There is a saying that goes “The end of one thing is the beginning of the other”.
For the past three days, It would have been a relatively nice holiday till just now when sth caught my attention which ruined the holiday as a whole. It’s sth kind of like that one just takes the road he avoids to meet its destiny.
Life is a dick and it sometimes really sucks.
One of my friends says that I am one the the most sensitive man she had ever met. This knowledge about me concurs with my self- consciousness and recognition. And only those of my closest friends could ever know, for the past year, what a fucking ridiculous life I have lead.
There’s no one to blame for this. And if there’s anyone. It’s me myself.
It’s me who chose to live in the shadow of the past.
It’s me who chose to attach its present life to the past.
it’s me who chose to set the past as a benchmark of the present.
Well. Most of the time its OK for doing so unless then when u collapse and have nobody else to count on just like what is happening now.
The only lesson I got from this I think is that one should never be too addicted to sb or sth, which could only turn out to be a trap in its future life, and without which one would find it uneasy to survive the vaccum brought about.
My friend, the one mentioned above, asked me just now: when’s my last hearty laugh?
I gave her an ambiguous response.
But deep inside I myself just cant remember when.
Is it when I stay with bros form Utopia, drunk and hangover?
Yeah, I am really having fun with them.
But how about the loneliness and emptyness when we wake up.
There’s no such a heal-all to cure me of this.
Nontheless, one thing that’s worthy of celebrating is I am not yet a rubber man.
I am still clearly know how the sad feeling is and what I am longing for.
And maybe, this is what makes me who I am, and the Utopia in which I am living.